How to Give Yourself Grace Instead of Judgment
Welcome to my Doing the Best We Can Blog! I’m so glad you’re here.
I’m doing the best I can is a phrase I adopted many years ago out of complete desperation.
Let me tell you a story of how it began.
Shopping at a favorite store for a new dress, I remember thinking, I have no energy. I don’t know if I can make it to the car. I wanted to just lie down on the floor right there. I rested for a minute or two and then dragged myself to the car.
A month later when my two young sons and a handful of friends were playing in the pool, it happened again.
Fatigue slayed me.
While the kids splashed and screamed in the pool, I lay down on the cement beside the pool. I had to keep my eyes on all the kids swimming, and I didn’t want to stop the fun, but I was so tired. So very tired.
What in the world was wrong with me? Sure, I never felt super rested and energetic. Does any mom?
But this was different.
This same pattern would repeat itself numerous times in the coming months. And eventually I would learn one of the causes was some physical issues.
In actuality, my ailments were hitched to a whole lot of causes, ones that would take me years to acknowledge and some I’ll share with you, but at this time I was addressing and learning how to deal with physical causes.
I had to start making some adjustments to the way I lived. Honestly, I didn’t want to, and I didn’t know how to. And I judged myself for a good long time. I’d think to myself, Get over it! Other people are doing much harder things and have more stressful lives.
Eventually, all I knew is that what I was doing wasn’t working.
I learned to say, I’m doing the best I can.
This one simple phrase turned into an invitation to give myself God’s grace.
Do you need to give yourself grace today?
Take some time right now to be honest about your life.
Maybe, like I did, you feel like a derailed train. You know you need to make changes but you’ve been putting them off. As you make adjustments, can you say, I’m doing the best I can?
You didn’t have patience on the phone with your husband and now regret shames you. I’m doing the best I can.
Your kids got on your last nerve today, and you sure wouldn’t win any mom awards. I’m doing the best I can.
These health issues have made you feel discouraged and hopeless. You feel lazy and ashamed of your weakness. I’m doing the best I can.
Stress keeps mounting and you don’t see a way out and you’re anxious. I’m doing the best I can.
You’ve gained twenty pounds during the quarantine and you feel ugly and embarrassed. I’m doing the best I can.
Sweet friends, I invite you to extend to yourselves God’s grace.
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I’m so glad you’re here, and I welcome your thoughts.
Is it hard for you to give yourself grace?
Melanie
Love this perspective. We often think about giving forgiveness and grace to others but yet don’t apply that to ourselves. Next time that thought keep up I’ll remember your words, I’m doing the best I can! Love it Mel!!
Thank you sweet Dawnie!
Mel, what a great blog. I am very, very hard on myself and I don’t recall ever saying that phrase to myself. Especially reflecting back on parenting my sons in a difficult marriage, or currently navigating a strained relationship with my adult son battling addiction. I feel responsible and such a failure at times. When I hear my loved ones tell me you did the best you could given your circumstances, I just nod my head. I will reflect on your message and ask the Lord to help me receive the precious gift of grace.
In today’s world we’re expected to be super productive at work, keep our homes looking like Martha Stuart, take care of all our family’s needs AND keep a smile on our face. There’s SOOOOO much pressure to do it ALL and when you can’t, we’ll, I know I feel like a complete and utter failure. I am where you are, broken down mentally and physically. I hope to learn how to heal in a healthy way, through God’s grace, starting with “I did the best I could.”
Thank you so much, Jenny, for stopping by and for your truthful words. A friend said to me literally yesterday how damaging expectations can be. Sometimes they come from others, sometimes from ourselves. But most times they can be a heavy weight. Prayers for healing together.
Melanie